Health Nuts
by VA-river-gal
Summary: Scott and Jean go on a "health kick". They decide the others should do the same.
1. Default Chapter

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All characters belong to Marvel. The author does not gain any money by writing this. Please do not waste your precious time by suing.

This story is brought to you courtesy of Hurricane Isabel. I'm stuck in my house, slowly going insane. * Note* Frige is what I call the refrigerator. Enjoy!

Scott and Jean Summers sat in the kitchen of Xavier's School for the Gifted. They both were quite pleased with the job they had just finished. Getting rid of all the junk food, beer, and cigarettes in the mansion had proven to be a bigger job than they had imagined. The fact that they were always up way before anyone else here and that Logan was still on his long overdue vacation helped them accomplish this mission. Recently the Summers had decided to go on a "health kick" and they came to the conclusion that it would be a terrific idea if entire population of Xavier's School joined them. The team could always benefit from a healthier life style. They were more than certain that everyone would agree and be grateful to them. This was by far the best plain that they had ever set in motion. Scott and Jean gleefully left the kitchen and headed to the mansion's gym for their morning routine.

Orroro Munroe, known as Storm to her teammates, walked down the stairs and in to the kitchen followed lazily by Rogue. Storm entered the kitchen and grabbed an orange off the table, sat down, and started to peel it. Rogue slowly walked in to the kitchen and over to the coffee maker. She shook her head when she saw that the pot was completely empty. Usually Scott and Jean put on a fresh pot ever morning. "Slackers", she told herself as she opened the cabinet in front of her. After a few minutes of searching she let out a sigh. Storm looked up from her orange.

"What is the matter, my friend?"

"Well sugah, Ah've got good news an' bad news." Rogue said with a frown on her face

"Good news first" Storm said with pleading eyes.

"Sure thing, hon. Good news is, we've got coffee," Rogue plainly said.

"Well great. What is the down side to that?" Storm asked cheering up.

"Well… Well, it's um… decaf." Rogue answered holding up the can of Folgers Decaffeinated Coffee.

Storms eyes grew wide with panic. Decaf. The only coffee in the mansion was decaf. She slammed the rest of the orange down on the table, got up, and walked over to the cabinet the coffee was always stored in. Rogue moved out of her way. Storm rummaged thru the cabinet like a "mad woman". Rogue walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. She admitted she needed a cup of regular coffee, but not as bad as Orroro did. Rogue needed coffee in the morning to simply help wake her up. Storm needed it to survive the day. Storm plus no regular coffee equals moody goddess for the whole day. Orroro didn't stop at that one cabinet, she rummaged thru all of them. Boxes, bags, and cans of food littered the kitchen floor. Storm emerged out of the wreckage with no regular coffee. Defeated she sat down at the table beside Rogue and laid her head down on the table. This was not going to be a good day.

****

Jubilee cheerfully bounced down the stairs and practically skipped in to the kitchen. She stopped suddenly when she saw the mess on the kitchen floor. It looked like a tornado had hit it. Jubilee looked over to the two ladies sitting at the kitchen table, then back to the mess on the floor, and then back to Rogue and Storm. She opened her mouth to ask what had happened. Rogue threw at hand up as to tell her don't even go there and simply said, "No coffee". Jubilee looked over to the counter where the can of Folgers sat. She picked it up, "Rogue here's some coffee." That was all it took. Storm picked her head up and glared at the Asian teenager, "It's decaf! Nasty decaf! All I ask is for a cup of coffee containing caffeine. Is that too much to ask?" Storm laid her head back upon the table. Jubilee just stood there. Of all her years living there, Jubilee couldn't recall a single time Orroro had lost her temper. Jubilee, somewhat shaken, put the can of coffee back down on the counter. Rogue patted Storm on the shoulder, walked over to the mess, and started cleaning it up. Jubilee joined Rogue in the cleaning. Twenty-five minutes passed and the kitchen was once again clean. Jubilee removed a bowl from one of the numerous cabinets. She then headed straight for the cabinet that housed the cereal. She opened the cabinet and gasped at the sight. In that cabinet she found a box of Grape Nuts, a box of Special K, and two boxes of some type of granola cereal. Jubilee then turned to Rogue.

"Rogue did you happen to see a box of Boo Berry in that mess we cleaned up?" Jubilee asked, hoping that Rogue had.

"Sugah, Ah don't recall. Ah put all the cereal back where it was" Rogue answered.

"Well I don't see it and it was here yesterday morning," the irritated Jubilee said.

"Maybe ya should go an' ask Bobby about it" Rogue suggested.

Jubilee stomped out of the kitchen and up the stairs passing Remy on her way. Remy smiled as she passed by. Remy Lebeau finished walking down the steps and casually strolled in to the kitchen. He smiled at his beautiful Mississippi river rat as he made his way over to where Rogue sat. However, his smiled faded when he seen Orroro sitting at the table with her head upon it. Remy walked over to his white haired friend.

"Mornin' Stormy" He said trying to get a reaction from Storm. She didn't respond, which was very unusual. He turned to his love. "What's de matter wit' her?

Rogue gave him an evil look. She wasn't about to say it out loud. She got up from her chair, walked over to Remy, and leaned in close to him. Remy smiled. He liked being close to his chere. He put an arm around Rogue's waist and drew her closer to him. Rogue rolled her eyes and whispered the answer into his ear. Remy looked at her and quietly said, "Remy will fix dis". He smacked Rogue on her bottom and walked towards the fridge. He slowly opened the frige and said to himself, "If it be caffeine Stormy wants, den caffeine she get." The contents of the fridge were now fully exposed. Remy cursed to himself. He couldn't believe it. The frige was full of Pepsi last night and now there was not a two litter in sight. The only beverages that were present in the cold box were bottled water, orange juice, skim milk, and yogurt shakes. "NON! NON! NON! Dis can' be!" Remy said out loud. "What the hell is that swamp rat yellin' 'bout?" Rogue asked herself. She strolled over and stood beside Remy. Her jaw just about hit the floor when she viewed the contents of the frige. All that remained was health food.

****

Jubilee stood outside of Bobby Drake's bedroom. She pounded furiously on the door, "Robert Drake, I know that you are in there. Comon open the door, pretty please." Against his better judgment, Iceman opened the door. "Ah, Jubes wonderful as always to see you. What brings you up here?" She glared at Bobby and quickly entered his room.

"Cut the crap, Bobby. I know that you ate all of the Boo Berry cereal," She said coldly to him.

"Whoa, Jubes I didn't eat all of it." Bobby said shocked at her accusation.

"Well you mind telling who did? I know that I didn't eat it all and you're the only other person who eats it" Jubilee said pointing a finger at him.

"Jubes, I swear I didn't." He said holding his hands up in front of him.

"You had better be telling me the truth because if you lie to me you're gonna get it." Jubilee said shaking her fist and then left Iceman's room.

Jean and Scott entered the kitchen and bid everyone a good morning. Rogue, Remy, and Storm just groaned in response. Jean was about to ask why they were so glum, but her question was answered when Jubilee appeared back in the kitchen. She walked passed the Summer's and took a seat at the large kitchen table, " I can't believe that there isn't anything to eat for breakfast. This sucks". Jean looked at Scott and then took the box of Special K out of the cabinet. She walked over to Jubes and handed the young lady the box. Jubilee looked at Jean like she had sprouted wings out of her ass. "I'm not eating that crap. It taste like cardboard." The teenager said. Jean looked at Rogue and Remy as to offer them some of the cereal. They both shook their heads no. Jean looked at Storm who was still sitting beside Rogue, her head still rested upon the table. She turned to Scott, her face a mask of concern.

"Well aren't we a lively bunch this morning" the fearless leader said

Storm's head shot up from the table, "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" She spat out bitterly.

"What is your problem, Orroro?" Scott asked his tone matching Orroro's.

"I will tell you what my problem is. My problem is I came downstairs for my morning cup of coffee, my life line, and what do I find in place of my regular coffee." Storm got up from the table, stomped over to the counter, and picked up the can of decaffeinated coffee. "I find this crap! This decaffeinated crap!" She said showing the can to Scott and Jean. "Who dares to drink this shit anyways?"

Scott looked at his wife, mouth agape. They stared at each other, shock clearly written on their faces. *Did I hear what I think I did? *, He telepathically asked Jean. *Yes you heard correctly. Don't sweat it. She'll be fine in a day or so* Jean answered. She then turned her attention to the unhappy Storm.

"Now Orroro that's perfectly good coffee" Jean said

Storm was livid and her faced showed it. She slammed the can of coffee back on the counter. Her eyes went white and a bolt of lighting shot from her hand, turning the can and it's contents into a medium size pile of black ash.

"And to top it all off there's nothing good to eat for breakfast. Well that is if you don't like cardboard and watered down milk" Jubilee huffed.

"Someone's wiped de fridge clean of all de good food an' all dat be left is stuff dat Remy wouldn' even a stravin' homme." Gambit stated.

"Yeah, Ah sure would kill for some bacon and eggs. What kinda insane creature got rid of all the good stuff?" Rogue said.

"No, say that it isn't true!" Bobby cried as he entered the kitchen just in time to hear the last sentence that Rogue had spat out. He hoped that it wasn't true as he looked thru the cabinets and then the frige. His hopes where squashed as he realized that what he had heard was true. "I demand to know who did this?"

Scott and Jean had enough of this display of disrespect. None of them were grateful that someone was concerned for their overall health and quality of life. Cyke and Red didn't appreciate their teammates rude comments, tone of voice, and their body language. Perhaps an activity would lighten their moods. Scott looked down at his watch and smiled, "Time for our morning Danger Room session." He announced to the group. "Come on people let's move it". The five very moody and homicidal X-men followed their jackass of a fearless leader and his redheaded witch out of the kitchen and to the danger room.


	2. Part 2

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Part 2

Dr. Hank McCoy, a.k.a. Beast, sat at his desk in his med lab office. It had been a rough morning. His new experiment had blown up and blue gunk covered the walls of the once sterling white med lab. He had misplaced the notes he had on the experiment. Without the notes to rely on, Hank had guessed the formula for the experiment. That had proven to be a mistake. Hank thought for sure that he had sat them down on his desk a few days ago. His desk was an endless mess of papers and it would take an absolute miracle to find them. He sighed as he begun his second search thru the endless piles. Eighteen minutes and countless papers later, he emerged from his desk victorious. A reward, he thought, was called for. Hank sauntered over to the medicine cabinet, which contained a secret compartment that held his golden cream filled beauties. He started to drool just thinking about how delicious they tasted. After checking to make sure no one else was present in the room, he opened the medicine cabinet. He moved a few bottles and boxes, exposing the secret compartment. A large smile spread across Hank's lips as he slowly opened the compartment. The smile quickly faded as he beheld the sight in front of his eyes, the compartment was stripped bare of its contents. Hank closed his eyes for a few seconds, praying that they were playing tricks on him. He counted to ten and opened his eyes to still find that the Twinkies were gone. Someone had found his stash. He stepped back baffled. He'd never told anyone about his hiding place. How in the world did they manage to find it? An answer was need to that question, time for a game of twenty questions.

Storm, Rogue, Remy, Jubilee, and Bobby emerged from the danger room exhausted and in a much better mood. The intense session had taken Storm's mind off the coffee incident. She was once again her old self. Jubilee and Bobby were back into the groove of thing, picking on each other. Jubilee took off running as a snowball begun to form in Bobby's hand. With the newly made snowball in his hand, Bobby took off in pursuit of her. Rogue and Remy were making their way to the kitchen, to try and find something decent to eat. Deciding that she too needed something to eat, Storm followed the two lovebirds. Rogue entered the kitchen like a woman on a mission. Her mission if she should choose to accept it was to hunt down and devour the rest of the double chocolate ice cream. "Ah accept, sugah", she thought and laughed. She flung open the freezer door, looked at top shelf, and ran her hand to the back of the freezer. She felt the box and slowly removed it. Without stopping to view the box, she grabbed a spoon out of a drawer, and waltzed over to the kitchen table to complete her mission. She closed her eyes, opened the box, plunged the spoon in, and lifted it to her mouth. Remy and Storm looked at her, pleased that someone at least was successful at finding something good to eat. They then turned their attention back to the task at hand, finding something other than health food to eat. Rogue guided the spoon in her mouth. As soon as the contents of the box hit her taste buds, she made an ugly face. She forced herself to swallow, nearly gagging as she did. "What the hell?" she said peering down at the box on the table. Deciding she needed a closer look, she picked the box up and her eyes grew wide as she read the writing on it, "Fat Free, Sugar Free, English Toffee Ice Cream". Rogue slammed her fist down on the table, leaving a gaping hole in the red wood. Remy and Storm stopped what they were doing and looked at the outraged southern belle. Rogue rose from the kitchen table with box in hand, opened the sliding doors that led to the pool area, and threw the disgusting box of ice cream like a football. The ice cream shot across the lawn like a rocket. At the rate it was flying, the ice cream would reach NYC in no time. The ice cream rocket would never reach its destination; something was blocking its path. A loud growl filled Rogue's ears and she turned away from the door with her hand over her mouth. She ran over and hid behind Remy. He was in the process of turning to face her and ask her what was the matter. The answer came as Logan stormed in, one hand on his forehead, and the other exposing his claws. Remy forced down the laughter that was trying to escape. Storm stared at the floor, knowing if she looked at Logan she'd die of laughter. As a threat, Logan waved his claws in the air, but retracted them as his eyes meet Rogue's apologetic green ones. Logan shook his head, "That was one hell of a welcome home, darlin'". He chuckled lightly. A fit of laughter broke out in the kitchen. The laughter died as Bobby entered and sat down at the table, and placed his head in his hands. Hank followed right behind him, spewing out question after question. 

Bobby raised his head and looked at his teammates, "Please! Please! Make him stop! He's gone crazy!" 

Hank pointed his large blue index finger at each individual suspect. "I know that one of is guilty of this horrid crime. One of you is the Twinkie thief. If you confess now, I will go easy on you. Any one care to come clean?? (A minute of silence goes by) Suit yourselves, we will do this the hard way."

"Hank, mon ami, what are y' talkin' 'bout? The Cajun asks.

"My dear friend, Mr. Lebeau, perhaps it was you. You are after all a master thief. Yes it all makes perfect sense now. You're the guilty party." Hank states pointing his finger at Remy.

"Twinkies? Remy got more valuable stuff to steal den stupid cakes. Merde! Dis is crazy. Remy goin' outside an' calm his nerves" Remy turned on his heels and left.

Hank was not done with him. He proceeded to go after Remy and start his line of questions. He made his way to the kitchen doorway only to be stopped by Logan.

"Hold it right there, bub! Where do you think you are going?" 

"Get out of my way Logan. I am not done with him." Hank said trying to push the short man out of the way, but Logan wouldn't move.

"Hank, get a hold of yourself, would you? Come sit down, I'll get you something that will help calm you " Logan said.

Hank stopped pushing Logan, turned around, walked over to the table, and sat down. What had come over him? He was acting like a mad scientist. He looked at his friend Bobby and apologized. Bobby just smiled at him in response. Rogue and Storm remained huddled in a corner, eyes still locked on Beast. Logan walked over to the ladies and invited them to join the guys for a beer. Rogue and Storm just looked at Logan and then looked back at each other, neither one of them wanted to be the one to tell him about the lack of beer. He shrugged and proceeded to the frige. 

Remy sat outside on one of the Institutes many benches. Today had been rough and he was long overdue for a cigarette. Just one? Hell, he could probably smoke the whole pack right now. He reached in the pocket of his trench coat, which he had just put on prior to coming outside. "Dis be strange", he said to himself. His cigarettes were not in their usual pocket. He shrugged and started to search the other pockets of his trench coat. The search proved to be unsuccessful. "Maybe, I left dem in my room", he managed to think. Remy quickly vacated the bench and ran up to his room. He checked his nightstand. No, they weren't there. "Dey must have fallen on de floor," he thought. He checked the floor. Not there either. He tapped his fingers on the hard wood floor, thinking. The light bulb turned on in his head. Rogue's room that had to be where he'd left them. Remy walked down the hall to the woman's wing, and into Rogue's room. He checked the nightstand, floor, and the bed. He let out a sigh and started going thru the drawer of Rogue's nightstand, thinking she must have hid them. He grinned devilishly as he pulled out a pair of black satin-laced tongs and matching bra. Rogue would definitely have to model those for him later. His grin turned into hysterical laughter as he eyes came across a smooth long flesh colored object. Remy had always known that Rogue was kinky; he just didn't realize she was that kinky. He sat for a moment lost in his naughty daydream. Once he snapped out of it, he carefully replaced the objects just as he had found them. If Rogue found out he'd been thru her stuff, she'd surely kill him. Remy looked back at the drawer, smiled, and exited the room. He hadn't located his cigarettes and his nicotine craving, which was temporarily dulled by his discovery, was back full force. He was going to die if he didn't satisfy it.

Orroro swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. She just had to tell him. Logan's hand was on the handle of the frige door. She walked over to Logan, took a deep breath, "Logan we are out of beer." Logan turned his head and looked at her puzzled.

"Logan did you hear me?" she asked

Logan's look of puzzlement changed into a large grin, "That's like saying we're out of coffee, darlin'"

Coffee. He said coffee. Orroro gentle face changed back into one of rage. She glared at the short man, "Look here you short shit, there's no beer!" She opened the fridge and shoved Logan's face in it. "SEE!"

Logan was shocked and outraged at the sight before him and at the woman who had her hand on the back of his head. He reached up and ripped Orroro's hand away from the back of his head. He stood up right and looked the tall goddess in the eye (as well as he could) and unleashed his claws. They exchanged heated words. Both of their tempers passed the boiling point. Remy entered the room chewing on pencil held by his shaking hand. He needed a cigarette badly. The pencil fell from his mouth and hand as soon as he saw Logan and Orroro about to throw down. He stepped in between the two trying to break up the heated argument. This only resulted in him getting dragged into it. Now instead of two arguing X-men there was three. Rogue came to the aid of her lover. Score another X-men for the argument. Hank and Bobby, deciding that two would be more successful than one at breaking up this evolving argument, forced their way thru everyone into the middle. Bad decision as insults were hurled and fists began to fly. They soon started defending their selves and fighting back. The loud commotion soon caught the attention of Jubilee who was in the recreation room watching TV. She came running into the kitchen and soon found herself in the mix as well. A two-person argument had evolved into a seven person free for all.


	3. Part 3

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Part 3

Scott and Jean returned from their outdoor activites. Their activities consisted of a four-mile run, a two-mile walk, and a fifteen-mile bike ride. Now starving for some health food, they entered the house and proceeded to walk leisurely to the kitchen. However their leisurely walk soon turned into a sprint as they heard the fight going on in the kitchen. Scott and Jean entered the kitchen in record time and nearly tripped over Bobby. Jubilee had pinned him to the floor and he was screaming for mercy. Scott's eyes traveled over to Hank, Remy, Orroro, Rogue, and Logan. He stood there in a pure state of shock before speaking. "What is going on in here? STOP! STOP RIGHT NOW!" Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Mr. Fearless leader. "I SAID, WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?" No one could answer that question, they really didn't know. All Remy, Rogue, Hank, and Bobby knew was that Storm and Logan had been arguing, they tired to break it up, and ended up in the mix. Jubilee had no earthly idea what had happened. She had simply walked in to the kitchen without saying a word and was dragged into it. Logan and Orroro just looked at each other and then started laughing. The rest of the bunch joined in except for Scott and Jean, who were slightly confused. The laughing ended and quietness took over the room. Each member of the fight reflected back on today's events. This had truly been a day from hell and it wasn't over yet. Jean decided to break the silence by announcing that her and Scott were going to make a run to the grocery store. With that announcement the silence was broken, as each member took turns, adding what he or she wanted to the rapidly growing grocery list. They politely thanked Jean and told her she was an angel for doing this for them. Jean blushed at their comments and walked out of the kitchen hand in hand with Scott.

The minutes seemed to go by more and more slowly, as the remainder of the team awaited the arrival of Scott and Jean with their goodies. Hank paced the floor, Bobby and Jubes watched TV, Rogue tired to read a romance novel, Storm went outside to get away from everyone else fearing another episode may occur, Logan ran thru a Danger Room session to release some tension, and Remy, who ran out of pencils to chew, switched to chewing gum. He had stuffed so much in his mouth he looked like a chipmunk.

It was sugar-less chewing gum, the only kind of gum he could find in the entire mansion. He had found it in Scott and Jean's room, along with other items, such as eatable panties and fuzzy red handcuffs. A huge orange Trident filled smiled spread across his lips as he made a mental note to purchase such items for a certain southern belle.

An hour and a half agonizingly passed by. Logan emerged from the elevator just in time to hear Storm announce that Scott and Jean were back. The waiting X-men ran to the kitchen, like a stampeding herd of elephants. Scott and Jean sauntered in and greeted everyone with a smile. "Did you get it? Did you get it?" an anxious Hank asked. Jean's smile widen as she informed everyone that they had some good stuff for them. Scott wasted no time in handing out the goodies to everyone. Remy, Rogue, Hank, Bobby, Jubilee, Orroro, and Logan stared quizzically at their goodies. It was apparent that the Summers were truly illiterate. None of them had received the items that they had written down on the list. Hank was given dried fruit and a bag of mixed seeds instead of his Twinkies. Jubilee received a box of regular flavored oatmeal instead of Boo Berry cereal. Bobby received fresh fruit, instead of various types of junk he had written down. Orroro was given another can of decaf coffee. Logan received a six-pack of non-alcohol light beer. Rogue was given a box of non-fat sugarless chocolate ice cream. Remy received a box of nicorette gum, not the cigarettes he had requested. Scott and Jean looked at their teammates, still smiling. They just knew that they would love their surprises. Judging by the looks on their faces, the Summers were in for a big round of hugs and thank yous. The quizzical looks faded from the mutants faces, replaced by those of rage. They now knew whom it was that had done such an evil thing. Storm fried another can of decaf coffee. Rogue flung another box of nasty ice cream. Remy charged the pack of nicorette gum and tossed it at Scott and Jean. Hank's eyes bugged from his head every time he looked at what was supposed to be decent snack food, Dr. Jeckel meet Mr. Hyde. Bobby and Jubes just glared at the idiot couple. Logan unleashed both sets of claws. Murder was clearly written across their faces. Scott and Jean's smiles faded and they started to back away. This was going to hurt.

Charles Xavier arrived home from his all day meeting. Trying to prove to humans that not all mutants were dangerous was a hard task and far from finished. He entered the mansion, sensing the fear and the anger as soon as he made it thru the door. This was not the atmosphere that he was accustomed to. Searching for the root of the problem, he entered the kitchen. He gasped when he saw the sight. An angry mob had circled Scott and Jean ready to pounce on them. Charles cleared his throat, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. "What is going on here?" Xavier asked. The members of the angry mob took turns telling their stories to the Professor. After they were done, Charles just shook his head. Scott and Jean knew that the Professor would see thing their way. He looked at his students, "You should be ashamed of yourselves". Scott and Jean nodded their head, "You tell them Professor". He was on their side and now Xavier would help them make sure that everyone took better care of their selves. Xavier held up a hand to silence Scott and Jean. "Ashamed I tell you! This is horrible. How could you do such a thing to your friends?" The Summers nodded again to show they agreed with Xavier. Charles looked at the angry mob, an evil smile upon his lips, "Get them!" The angry mob followed his orders and pounced upon Scott and Jean.

The End!


End file.
